


Here with me

by cherryvanilla



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s01e01 Pilot, First Time, M/M, Pre-Series, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23413402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryvanilla/pseuds/cherryvanilla
Summary: Sam wasn’t sure exactly when he realized he needed something more, but he always thought he’d have the moreplusDean.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 76
Collections: Supernatural Spring Fling 2020





	Here with me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TammyRenH](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TammyRenH/gifts).



Even on the rare occasions when they actually had their own motel room bed as kids, Sam would still gravitate toward Dean’s. He repeatedly thought there was something in the closet; it always a different room, a different state, never a familiar place. The only thing familiar was Dean. 

Dean was more approachable than Dad. He didn’t give Sam a .45 to keep the monsters away as a misguided form of comfort. No, Dean would ruffle Sam’s messy mop of hair and say, “You good, kiddo?”

Dean would make sure Sam always had enough peanut butter for his sandwiches, that he got up in time to catch the bus for school. Dean would look at Sam like Sam was the most valuable thing in the world and that made it enough. 

Sam wasn’t sure exactly when he realized he needed something more, but he always thought he’d have the more _plus_ Dean. 

But life didn’t work out that way.  
_________________________

“Don’t be afraid of the dark? What are you kidding me, of course you should be afraid of the dark! You know what’s out there!” Dean exclaimed, while Sam was still reeling from him waltzing back in his life, still remembering the feel of Dean’s body beneath his own, on the floor of his apartment. 

Dean twisted Sam up inside, more than anyone ever had or anyone ever will. Life with Jess has been simple, uncomplicated. Sam knew that had a lot to do with the fact that he’s kept so much from her, but it’s for her own good. And Sam needed Dean, with his eyes and his hair and that fucking necklace he still wears against his chest, gone as soon as possible. 

But life didn’t work out that way.  
________________________

Sam awoke gasping, Jess’s body on the ceiling burned into his retinas like the fire that consumed her. 

He looked to his right, found Dean sprawled on his stomach, breathing deep and even. It’s been months now and he still was having nightmares. At the beginning, he’d wake Dean up with each and every one. 

Maybe Dean had grown accustomed to them by now. Accustomed once more to _Sam_ , as though there hadn’t been years of silence between them. The thought gripped at Sam’s heart, made him swing his legs over the side of the bed and rise before he knew what he was doing. 

Sam hadn’t shared a bed with his brother since he was thirteen and his dad deemed them both too old. 

“‘Mm, what?” Dean mumbled, irritated. Yet he still shifted to his left, instinctively making room. Sam’s stomach fluttered. 

He pulled the sheet back and climbed in, falling onto his side to face Dean who’d remained on his stomach. 

“Monster in the closet again? Scared of the dark?”

Sam snorted. “You know I haven’t actually been afraid of the dark for years, right?”

“Should be,” murmured Dean, same script, different day. Then, more alert, “Nightmare?”

Sam inhaled sharply and Dean rolled over to face him. He was too close, his eyes laser-focused on Sam. The only light in the room was the washed out street lights visible through the broken blinds. It made Sam want to be reckless. It made him want to take something he’d told himself he never could have. 

And maybe Dean really was intune to Sam again, maybe he never stopped being. Because suddenly the air felt heavy between them. 

“Sammy,” Dean whispered, his voice thick with something more than just sleep. 

“Dean.” Sam reached out, hand shaking, and found the bare skin of Dean’s chest. He wrapped his fingers around the amulet. 

Dean shivered, and Sam could just make out his eyelids falling shut, could see Dean bite his own lip. 

“Sam, you don’t want this. You’re just — you’re hurting, I get it.” Dean sounded frantic, desparate. 

Sam laughed and shook his head. Dean _didn’t_ get it. He didn’t get what losing Jessica felt like. He didn’t get that Sam had carved out a place inside himself that was allowed to love her. He definitely didn’t get the fact that he fell in love with a girl who had blonde hair, freckles and his brother’s birthday. 

And he most definitely didn’t get why Sam had to leave, or that all Sam wanted that night was for Dean to jump out of the car and come with him. 

He didn’t get that Sam had wanted to do _this_ for as long as he could remember. 

His brother’s lips felt like everything and nothing Sam thought they would. Dean gasped into the contact, and Sam reached out with his other hand to pull him in close, keep him there. His thumb stroked along the back of Dean’s neck, his mouth moving slowly, chaste. 

Dean groaned against his lips, broke away but didn’t go far. “Dammit, Sam, you can’t. We can’t —”

“We can,” Sam breathed, and then leaned in again and slid his tongue into Dean’s mouth. 

Dean froze for a moment that felt like an eternity, before groaning again and wrapping his arm around Sam’s waist. 

Sam shivered and kissed him deeper, their tongues meeting, mouths slotting together like puzzle pieces. 

They kissed for ages, bodies pressed tight together and the evidence of their arousal unmistakable. Sam was surprised when Dean didn’t try to take it further, and was both too terrified and elated to make the move himself. 

At some point they must have fallen asleep. Sam awoke with sunshine in his face and his nose mashed up against his brother’s shoulder. 

He opened his eyes to find Dean looking at him, and held his breath. 

“I can’t be your rebound while you grieve, Sammy.” He looked away as he said the words, his forehead tight with lines.

Sam shook his head, felt his heart expand. “No. You couldn’t.” He tipped Dean’s chin back toward him and smiled. “That would mean you came afterward.” 

Dean stared at him, mouth working. He blinked, lips twitching. Then he ruffled Sam’s hair. “If you expect me to kiss your stank morning breath mouth before you brush your teeth, you can think again, Samantha.” 

Then he got up and walked toward the bathroom, shamelessly shedding his boxers in the process, leaving only the black cord around his neck. He looked back, just once, some of his bravado fading to uncertainty, before subtly tilting his head toward the open door. 

Sam sat stunned for a moment, before jumping out of bed so fast he nearly tripped over his own feet. 

Up until now, Sam’s life hadn’t worked out the way he thought it would. But his life wasn’t over yet. 

He followed the sound of the shower and stepped into the bathroom to join his brother.

End.


End file.
